Love.
We ache for it. It's as though we live with a locked box full of life, colour, zest, creativity, joy and aliveness. But we don't have the key.
Our parents are the first key bearers, of course. And if we're lucky, they open our box properly, and often enough, for us to grow up into healthy, strong, loving individuals.
If we're unlucky, though, they don't. And we're left malnourished. The juicy goodness stays locked away in our box, leaving us underdeveloped and subconsciously hankering for an elusive feeling we don't understand and can't articulate. And then, without any knowledge or choice in the matter, we trot off into adulthood.
Out in the world we stumble across all manner of things that open our box. We jack it open with this substance, or that person, and get high as a kite. We experience those extraordinary and elusive feelings we'd been needing so badly and, for a moment, we come alive.
But then the slid slams shut. And in our underdeveloped souls, we find ourselves back in the shadows again. Aggrieved and confused, we scramble for whatever or whoever can open our box. And, with devastating ignorance, we incarcerate ourselves within the prison of addiction.
We become like fiends, feeding off whatever and whoever can open our box. We chase one thing after another, but always the lid slams shut. And in our emotional adolescence, we can't cope with the emptiness. So we lash out, manipulate, scrounge, avoid, dramatise, use, hide, blame, demand, punish… anything to try and feel ok and escape the nothingness. But we can't win the game because we're handicapped. So we gradually lose ourselves in the darkness, destroying our relationships, our dreams, our selves.
It's nobody's fault. If our parents didn't open our box properly, it's because their box wasn't opened properly. And if we have kids, we won't know how to open theirs. The only way out of this cyclical nightmare is to learn how to open our own box. It's hard, arduous and requires life-long dedication, but learning to love ourselves is the one true solution.